She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
