saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
