Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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