I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
