Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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