Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
