We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
