atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
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