I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
