Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
where does the pee come out of this thing
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
