the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
