I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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