So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Girls should come with a carfax report
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
