maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
organizing the empties. That sober.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
