So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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