I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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