There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
