Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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