I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
