I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
