You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
