I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
