He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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