I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
