Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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