Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
