did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
it glows. i had to have it.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
