so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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