ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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