TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
