i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
