this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
