so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
