And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
