i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
