I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
