hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
