somebody snuck up and got me drunk
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
