So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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