I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
