So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
