Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We have started to decorate penises.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
