Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
