Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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