Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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