I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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