Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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