I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
