she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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