life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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