My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
