just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
