I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
