he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
