sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
