The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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